Secrets

The service at church this past weekend focused on secrets. A secret can be defined as "something meant to be hidden from others". In life there are good secrets: surprise parties, a secret present, things like that are good, and not likely to bring harm to anyone. Obviously, the service got me thinking about the OTHER kind of secrets, the ones that can destroy lives, change peoples perceptions of you, or change your perception of others. Those are not healthy secrets.
The more I think about it, the more I belive that when one feels the need to keep something a secret they are not only trying to keep it from coming to the attention of others, but in some way they are trying to keep it from themselves. Ok, that sounds odd. Let me explain: When we keep an action, an additcion or a belief a secret, I think that pretty much means that we ALREADY know that its not something that gels with how we view ourselves, or how we want other people to view us. It's obviously not something that elicits pride within us, otherwise, we would share it with everyone we came in contact with. By keeping it hidden, it should strike us as a red light that the item/incident/behavior in question is not a cohesive part of who we are. By not being cohesive, that tiny little "thing" gains a life of its own within us. It's a foreign body, and I think that often our subconscious sends out signals begging us to rid ourselves of that foreign body, because it throws our internal equilibrium off balance. When we refuse to listen to that voice inside of us, it really DOES make us uncomfortable in our own skin. Thats what allows the secret to grow, and to fester, and the more we supress it, it seems the more that it screams at us to reconcile the two parts of ourselves.
My goal, and the example I wish to provide for my sons is to learn to live my life in balance. That means coming to terms with secrets big and small, and bringing them to light, even if its within my own mind. I want the me that people see on the outside to correctly represent the me that exists on the inside, and that means living honestly within my own life. It does NOT mean striving for perfection, because I do not believe that perfection exists. Maybe its a lofty goal, but it's worth working towards!

Fall is here

Well, it looks like fall has officially arrived here in Kentucky. The drive to work and home is beautiful, all of the leaves are such pretty colors. Kentucky really IS the most beautiful place in spring and fall.
Killian is walking so much now. He is so very steady on his feet and is getting faster with each step. He and Luke are so different in that. Killian takes his time and Luke dives head first into everything. By this age, Luke had already ran into the desk and cut his face and bit into his lip while learning to walk (lucky he did not bite THRU it).
Each day with Luke is an adventure, since he is learning things at such a rapid pace. He's very much a Momma's boy right now, and Killian is really enjoying Daddy time more so than when he was younger. Last weekend was their first experience at our new church (www.questcommunity.com) and while we were concerned, since neither boy has been in a daycare setting before, they both seemed to LOVE every minute of it. Luke, while he was happy to see us, really did not want to leave, so I know he will be looking forward to going again Saturday night.
Not only will Quest be a good experience for the boys, but I think it will be a great experince for us as well. It's not a "traditional" church setting at all, its much more laid back and less "preachy" than I remember from being a kid. Our lives are so chaotic, and we have packed so much living and adjusting into the past 4 years, that we think the sense of community and support will help us a great deal. Plus, they have great coffee and the band ROCKS!! LOL!

One-Zero

Luke informed us yesterday that he is going to start a band called One-Zero. He says Killian is going to be the drummer and he (Luke) is going to sing and play guitar. Makes sense, since Killian can't talk too much yet. Luke has become fascintated with the band Clutch, and the song 10001110101-Robot Hive Exodus. I'm a proud Mommy because Clutch is one of my all time favorite bands. Luke's little voice sounds SOOO very cute wandering around the house singing the song.
Killian loves music too...the boy LOVES to dance, and for a 14 month old, he sure does have some moves. Music makes his face light up too,just like Luke. One of my favorite things to do is watch them dance and sing when I get home from work.

Happy Birthday Ryan

My dear husband turns 29 today. We met when he was 24 and I was 30. Time sure does fly. In these past 4+ years I have watched him grow into the man he has become, a man who has learned to think of his family first, and has consequently put many of his "wants" aside so that we can make sure the "needs" of our family are taken care of, above anything else. When you go from being a 24 year old bachelor with nobody to answer to but yourself, to moving to another state and starting a family with the woman you love, life hands you a lot of lessons to learn. Not all of them are easy, and not all of them get handled the right way the first time. So, my dear Ryan, if I had to pick a single trait that I am most proud of you for it would be this:
You are not perfect. You make mistakes, but you have become the type of man that makes those mistakes and learns from them. You strive to be a better man, a better husband and a better father. Mistakes are opportunities to learn and to grow, and to help our boys learn that its OK not to always get it right the first time (or even the second sometimes). Thank you, my love, for having the strength and the courage to realize this.
I hope the 29th year of your life brings you happiness and laughter. You family loves you!

Our boys....

Killian is the little brother...don't let his serious expression fool you. He has an infectous laugh, and loves to cuddle and hug and give kisses. He is definitely more intense than Luke, one look at his expression tells you that, but beneath that beats a heart of pure gold. He loves his big brother "Boogie" and nobody can make his face light up more than Luke can. Well, maybe Mommy...he is a Momma's boy!

Luke is 3 and he's a "rockstar"....loves the limelight, loves to make people happy....He has the brighest smile and is very articulate. We have the BEST conversations with him every day, and its amazing to learn how his mind works. He is also the most AWESOME big brother that could ever be. He has never dispalyed an ounce of jealousy toward Killian, and his love for "Bubba" is evident in the way he treats him.

Welcome to our zoo

I call our family a zoo lovingly. We (Trina and Ryan, AKA Mom and Dad) are blessed with two beautiful boys; Lucas Kagan, age 3 and Killian Quinn, age 14 months. Our home also includes the most lovable and sweet dog that ever was, Lyric (LeeLee), my beautiful cat Chaya, who has been with me for about 10 years now, our adopted ferrett Sammy (Sammy the Weasel) who will happily dispel any rumors that all ferrets are evil, and our young kitten, Purrrl...a sweet flame point Siamese boy who is the epitome of a "family cat". I guess I can't forget Luke's fishies in his room, nor Newton the baby snapping turtle (and his tank-mate...a black and brown wolly caterpillar). See why the "Altman Zoo" monkier fits so well?
Our house is seldom quiet, always full of laughter, and the place where I look forward to being every second I am away. I work at the University of Kentucky in the Medical Library, and will soon be embarking on my journey to obtain my Master's Degree in Library Science. Ryan is a stay at home Dad (the most wonderful one EVER) by day, and purveyor of the day's news at night (he runs a paper route). Yes, our roles are reversed in the traditional sense, but it's what works for US, and more importantly, it allows us to make sure our boys are taken care of by US, and given the love, support, nurturing and guidance to thrive in the world as they grow.
So, enjoy the journey with us. Parenthood has taken us down avenues that we never thought existed and opened our eyes to opportunities to take control of our lives that we never imagined.