Secrets

The service at church this past weekend focused on secrets. A secret can be defined as "something meant to be hidden from others". In life there are good secrets: surprise parties, a secret present, things like that are good, and not likely to bring harm to anyone. Obviously, the service got me thinking about the OTHER kind of secrets, the ones that can destroy lives, change peoples perceptions of you, or change your perception of others. Those are not healthy secrets.
The more I think about it, the more I belive that when one feels the need to keep something a secret they are not only trying to keep it from coming to the attention of others, but in some way they are trying to keep it from themselves. Ok, that sounds odd. Let me explain: When we keep an action, an additcion or a belief a secret, I think that pretty much means that we ALREADY know that its not something that gels with how we view ourselves, or how we want other people to view us. It's obviously not something that elicits pride within us, otherwise, we would share it with everyone we came in contact with. By keeping it hidden, it should strike us as a red light that the item/incident/behavior in question is not a cohesive part of who we are. By not being cohesive, that tiny little "thing" gains a life of its own within us. It's a foreign body, and I think that often our subconscious sends out signals begging us to rid ourselves of that foreign body, because it throws our internal equilibrium off balance. When we refuse to listen to that voice inside of us, it really DOES make us uncomfortable in our own skin. Thats what allows the secret to grow, and to fester, and the more we supress it, it seems the more that it screams at us to reconcile the two parts of ourselves.
My goal, and the example I wish to provide for my sons is to learn to live my life in balance. That means coming to terms with secrets big and small, and bringing them to light, even if its within my own mind. I want the me that people see on the outside to correctly represent the me that exists on the inside, and that means living honestly within my own life. It does NOT mean striving for perfection, because I do not believe that perfection exists. Maybe its a lofty goal, but it's worth working towards!